Meme's the word

I've been tagged by Rozanne to do a meme.

Is it bad that I was tagged 12 days ago and just noticed on Saturday?

Even worse, when I read Rozanne's post and was disappointed that I hadn't been tagged?
What a slacker.

Anyway, per Rozanne, here are the rules:

" I am to pick five of the following occupations and complete the sentiment, adding an occupation of my choice to the end."

My twist:

I'll put something on the end of everything. Guess if you can figure out what's serious and what's silly...

THE OCCUPATIONS:
If I could be a scientist... I'd invent chocolate chip cookies that are good for you and don't taste like it.
If I could be a farmer... I'd do everything like grandpa did. Raise cows, chew tobaccy, get fat, and cuss alot.
If I could be a musician... I'd find some way to hang out with U2 and jam with The Edge.
If I could be a doctor... I am one. Just not a medical one, and that's fine.
If I could be a painter... I'd do caricatures at a fair. And I'd try to make all the fat chicks feel thin.
If I could be a gardener... I'd have a secret stash of the veggies my wife hates (onions and tomatoes), and would just pick and eat them off the vine all day.
If I could be a missionary... I'd be a missionary to Spain, Italy, or some other cool place. Maybe a missionary to Cabo San Lucas. The rich need Jesus, too.
If I could be a chef... I'd save a lot of money on paying other chef's for their cooking.
If I could be an archaeologist... I'd be thoroughly bored most days.
If I could be an architect... I'd be named Art Vandelay.
If I could be a linguist... I'd go from country to country, practicing and perfecting my skills. Then I'd focus on dialects of smaller groups in remote areas, because there aren't enough dialectical interpreters, and those people probably have interesting things to say. I might also interpret the Bible for someone who doesn't have a written form of it yet.
If I could be a psychologist... I'd go crazy. That's why I went to law school after getting my psych degree.
If I could be a librarian... I'd read every chance I got.
If I could be an athlete... I'd play Major League Baseball. Much lower chance of major injury, leisurely pace when you're playing, good money, and when I chewed my giant wads of gum, I'd fit in with everyone else.
If I could be a lawyer... Been there, done that, got the t-shirt.
If I could be an innkeeper... I'd install cameras in every room and have a direct feed to the police station, so that they could stop the meth fiends from cooking or making fake checks in the rooms. But I'm dwelling on the negative, I suppose...
If I could be a writer... I really want to be one. I'd write something compelling. The lack of something compelling to write is what's stopped me so far.
If I could be a professor... I'd be the guy who always teaches outside during the nice weather, mostly because I wouldn't want my students to realize that I didn't really know what I was talking about.
If I could be a llama-rider... I would ride llamas, I guess.
If I could be a bonnie pirate... I'd steal bonnies from all over the seven seas. Bonnie bonnies.
If I could be a service-member... I would be living each day as if it were my last.
If I could be a business owner... I'd fail miserably, because I have no vision
If I could be an actor... That would be cool. I'd be in a movie with Kate Beckinsale, just so I could kiss her and not get in trouble for it.
If I could be an agent... I would be super. And secret.
If I could be video game designer... I'd get paid to do what I pay to do right now, which is waste time in front of a screen with a controller in my hand, while the beautiful weather passes me by outside.
If I could be photographer... I'd spend every day looking for that shot noone's ever taken before.
If I could be a circus performer... I'd do the trapeze.
If I could be a spy... See "Agent".
If I could be a fashion designer... I'd be the only male one ogling my female models.
If I could be a high school student again... I'd do everything the same, except I'd do another school play or two.
If I could be a clothing designer for very small dogs... I would slit my own wrists upon seeing my own futility.
If I could be an optometrist... I'd design contact lenses that only had to come out once a month, that put themselves in, that doubled as sunglasses, and that never popped out of your eye when you didn't want them to. Is that too much to ask?

Now, since the rules also state that you have to tag 5 people, I tag Mak, OC Girl, JLowe, Sloop, and The Mogul. Not that I think any of them will actually do it...

Catch ya later.