Caffeine-ochondriac
It happened again.
Two years ago, The Missus and I decided to spend a beautiful Saturday at The Oregon Garden with our friends JLowe and Lady Lowe.
To start off every Saturday (well, every Saturday back in the day, more like every other Saturday in this modern era), JLowe and I would meet up at a local coffee establishment to embue ourselves with the morning jolt needed to shake out the cobwebs and plan grandiose adventures.
On the Saturday in question, my jolt came in the form of not one, not two, but three 20-oz iced caramal latte's made with 5 parts cold toddy coffee, one part skim milk, and 1/2 part caramel (and a little ice for texture), gulped one after another with only a banana to adulterate the effects.
All was well, until 20 minutes into our time at The Garden, when I suddenly felt light-headed, sweaty, short of breath, and felt my heart beating rapidly. Given my family history of heart disease (my father, uncle on mom's side, grandmother on dad's side, and grandfather on mom's side all having succumbed to heart attacks), I feared the worst and forced JLowe to transport me to the hospital. Diagnosis: Caffeine overdose.
My wife hated me for at least a week. I noticed from that point forward that toddy always made my head swim a bit, so I quit it. I also became very sensitive to the idea of caffeine with no food to cut it, and have been quite careful since.
That is, until today. This morning, I woke up and joined my friends from the office for breakfast downtown. I had typical cafeteria fare: an omellette, two slices of toast, and some peaches. To wash it down, a tasty cup of Diet Coke, which always hits the spot.
After breakfast, I drove out to Gresham to work. On the way to my office, a cup of Starbuck's, which isn't as good as Portland's own City Coffee (there's your family's plug, JLowe, now I expect royalties or something), but it'll do in a pinch.
Whiling away my time at work, I had a slice of pizza, some turkey slices, and a couple more tasty Diet Cokes. When the day ended, I started my drive home and, upon arriving at the gym, realized I didn't feel quite right. So, back into my car to finish the commute home. I started feeling faint about six blocks from my house, and stopped at Plaid Pantry for something sugary, thinking my fixation with diet products might be to blame. Quickly ate a Snickers Bar during the last leg of my commute, and as I pulled into my driveway realized I felt like passing out.
Now, at this point I didn't suspect caffeine even for a moment. Why should I? I have coffee with Diet Coke chasers all the time. I hadn't touched the toddy in years, and I'd eaten sufficiently, I thought, to battle any ill effects of the vile stimulant.
As I sat at home, I decided to feel my pulse. And then I freaked. My pulse raced to three beats per second, then dropped suddenly to one beat per three seconds. This was so wrong. I hobbled out to my car, feeling a bit woozy but not wanting to die on my lawn. I held my cell phone in one hand, ready to consult the paramedics if I couldn't make it all the way to safety, and rushed myself to the hospital. I described my symptoms, surpassed some truly sick people, got hooked up to an ECG, alarmed my whole family, and two hours later learned, essentially, that I'd OD'd on sweet caffeine yet again.
The moral of the story for me? No more caffeine, of course. It seems to cause more problems than it solves. I can't seem to consume it in moderation, so I guess I just won't consume it at all.
Well, I think I'll have to allow myself some tea to get past the headaches. But, in the end, I should save a ton of money for my anniversary holiday, thanks to my physical limitations.
I'm off to bed now. For tomorrow, I'll be meeting JLowe for a decaf soy caramel latte, compliments of City Coffee. Did I mention they have the best java on earth? That'll be double my usual commission, sir...
Catch ya later.
Two years ago, The Missus and I decided to spend a beautiful Saturday at The Oregon Garden with our friends JLowe and Lady Lowe.
To start off every Saturday (well, every Saturday back in the day, more like every other Saturday in this modern era), JLowe and I would meet up at a local coffee establishment to embue ourselves with the morning jolt needed to shake out the cobwebs and plan grandiose adventures.
On the Saturday in question, my jolt came in the form of not one, not two, but three 20-oz iced caramal latte's made with 5 parts cold toddy coffee, one part skim milk, and 1/2 part caramel (and a little ice for texture), gulped one after another with only a banana to adulterate the effects.
All was well, until 20 minutes into our time at The Garden, when I suddenly felt light-headed, sweaty, short of breath, and felt my heart beating rapidly. Given my family history of heart disease (my father, uncle on mom's side, grandmother on dad's side, and grandfather on mom's side all having succumbed to heart attacks), I feared the worst and forced JLowe to transport me to the hospital. Diagnosis: Caffeine overdose.
My wife hated me for at least a week. I noticed from that point forward that toddy always made my head swim a bit, so I quit it. I also became very sensitive to the idea of caffeine with no food to cut it, and have been quite careful since.
That is, until today. This morning, I woke up and joined my friends from the office for breakfast downtown. I had typical cafeteria fare: an omellette, two slices of toast, and some peaches. To wash it down, a tasty cup of Diet Coke, which always hits the spot.
After breakfast, I drove out to Gresham to work. On the way to my office, a cup of Starbuck's, which isn't as good as Portland's own City Coffee (there's your family's plug, JLowe, now I expect royalties or something), but it'll do in a pinch.
Whiling away my time at work, I had a slice of pizza, some turkey slices, and a couple more tasty Diet Cokes. When the day ended, I started my drive home and, upon arriving at the gym, realized I didn't feel quite right. So, back into my car to finish the commute home. I started feeling faint about six blocks from my house, and stopped at Plaid Pantry for something sugary, thinking my fixation with diet products might be to blame. Quickly ate a Snickers Bar during the last leg of my commute, and as I pulled into my driveway realized I felt like passing out.
Now, at this point I didn't suspect caffeine even for a moment. Why should I? I have coffee with Diet Coke chasers all the time. I hadn't touched the toddy in years, and I'd eaten sufficiently, I thought, to battle any ill effects of the vile stimulant.
As I sat at home, I decided to feel my pulse. And then I freaked. My pulse raced to three beats per second, then dropped suddenly to one beat per three seconds. This was so wrong. I hobbled out to my car, feeling a bit woozy but not wanting to die on my lawn. I held my cell phone in one hand, ready to consult the paramedics if I couldn't make it all the way to safety, and rushed myself to the hospital. I described my symptoms, surpassed some truly sick people, got hooked up to an ECG, alarmed my whole family, and two hours later learned, essentially, that I'd OD'd on sweet caffeine yet again.
The moral of the story for me? No more caffeine, of course. It seems to cause more problems than it solves. I can't seem to consume it in moderation, so I guess I just won't consume it at all.
Well, I think I'll have to allow myself some tea to get past the headaches. But, in the end, I should save a ton of money for my anniversary holiday, thanks to my physical limitations.
I'm off to bed now. For tomorrow, I'll be meeting JLowe for a decaf soy caramel latte, compliments of City Coffee. Did I mention they have the best java on earth? That'll be double my usual commission, sir...
Catch ya later.
posted by Rusty at 11:59 PM
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