Uninspired

I'm copying the name of the post I wrote at Portland Metroblogs (link at right) today, because I'm too uninspired to provide a new title, and further you have to click at the right because I'm too uninspired to provide you a link.

I'm so uninspired that, below, I posted my results on some alcohol test that Betsy put up last week.

Now, I'm posting a fortuitously provided e-mail with beer quotes sent to me by my friend at OC Girl.

THE FOLLOWING CAN BE USED IF WE NEED REASONS TO CONTINUE DRINKING BEER

Sometimes when I reflect on all the beer I drink, I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this beer, they might be out of work, and their dreams would be shattered. I think, "It is better to drink this beer and let their dreams come true, than be selfish and worry about my liver. --- Babe Ruth

An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with the fools in his life. --- Ernest Hemingway

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading. --- Paul Hornung

24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I think not. --- H.L. Mencken

When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. So, let's all get drunk and go to heaven! --- George Bernard Shaw

Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy. --- Benjamin Franklin

Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza. --- Dave Barry

BEER: HELPING UGLY PEOPLE HAVE SEX SINCE 3000 B.C. --- W.C. Fields

Beer: helping white guys dance, since 1632.

Remember "I" before "E", except in Budweiser. --- Professor Irwin Corey

To some it's a six-pack, to me it's a support group. Salvation in a can! --- Leo Durocher

One night at Cheers, Cliff Clavin explained the "Buffalo Theory" to his buddy, Norm. "Well ya see, Norm, it's like this. A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine!That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers...

Okay, enough slacking. But I only have two minutes to write. I'm still in my office, and I just texted my wife eight minutes ago to tell her I'd be leaving in "10 minutes or so," and then I spent those eight minutes formatting the e-mail so it wouldn't look weird, and now I've spent one minute typing this.

So, what can I type in one minute that might be interesting?

Nothing. That's why I said "10 minutes or so." Because I'm weak and must write something substantial.

Sadly, I have nothign substantial to write. So I can't write nothing, but I have nothing to write. Interesting conundrum...

So, a brief remark on one of my more recently-discovered physical features, then I'm off.

I have a shaved head. Why? In part because I'm balding. In part because Bruce Willis pulls it off, and he's secretly one of my idols (well, actually David Addison was, but that's beside the point).

I take that back. Maybe it's not beside the point. As you can clearly see if you click that link (I guess I'm semi inspired), David had hair. But, if you look closely, he probably shouldn't have. Kinda like me.

Anyway, after shaving my head, I noticed two little mini divets on the front of my scalp. I noticed them because I had trouble shaving there, due to a straight-edged razors unwillingness to bend into a mini divet.

Anyway, I've been curious for the last few months what these little grooves represent. Did I get dropped on my head (I know for a fact I did, and I cling to that truth whenever my faculties start failing me)? Did I run really really hard into some kind of fence or door, so hard I don't even remember? Apparently I had leg braces as a child, which I also don't remember, so anything could be true.

Well, I finally mentioned it to my mom, and the truth came out. When I was born, I was 8 pounds and 4 ounces of head, with 4 ounces of body weakly attached. This was quite uncomfortable for my mom, and perhaps just as uncomfortable for me, as I became wedged in during my voyage to the bright lights. So, forceps were applied, and until losing all of my lovely hair I never realized the painful reminders I've been carrying.

And that's all. Really, not that exciting, totally uninspired, but at least you know I'm still alive and I love each and every one of you. Well, that's not true. But thanks for stopping by...

Catch ya later.